I recently read a post on the absence of wedding vows in the Orthodox church.  I haven’t been able to find the historical reason for it, however, the author, Father Stephen, humorously said “It doesn’t do a couple any good to perjure themselves on their wedding day.” It made me think on the nature of weddings and marriage.

I’ve always felt that – whilst beautiful things – western weddings often feel overwrought. The long, slow walk down the aisle, elaborate sermon, songs of worship, the exchanging of rings, the vows, often further songs whilst registry is being signed, kissing, receptions. It seems a a complex, yet unsatisfying tradition, like a complex, long-prepared meal that didn’t fill the stomach.

The orthodox wedding ceremony, however, is full of symbolic meaning, despite it’s eccentricity to my eyes.

“The rings are then placed on their right hands, for it is the right hand of God that blesses, it was the right hand of God to which Christ ascended, and it is also to the right that those who will inherit the eternal life will ascend. The religious sponsor then exchanges the rings three times. The exchange signifies that in married life, the weakness of one partner will be compensated by the strength of the other, the imperfections of one, by the perfection of the other. By themselves, the newly betrothed are incomplete, but together they are made perfect.”

There is a meaning here greater than the equivalent part of the western ceremony. And there is much else: the couple drink from a common cup, readings from the wedding at Cana, symbolic crowning and binding together with ribbon, a ceremonial walk, the separation of the couple with the bible, and even the sugar-coated almonds – all have symbolic significance.

I read something over at Faith Dance: “When marriage and life are not dependent upon romance, the couple is free to be spontaneous and passionate.  The couple is free for passion because romance is something extra, a delight rather than a requisite for the very existence of their life together.  They will not fear diverting their attention from the romantic gaze.”

To me, this is why the (traditional catholic) wedding vows feel false in some way to me: They are making a promise based on a romantic linchpin. The vows, “To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish ’till death do us part.” are a beautiful sentiment, and one hopes they are true, but it is almost arrogant to make them a vow, somehow. Orthodox weddings have no vows; harking back to Father Stephen’s original post: “There is humility in an Orthodox wedding. No words of perfection, other than those that speak of God. Before Him stand a man and a woman – sinners at best. Without grace a marriage is without hope. Thus we view marriage as a sacrament – a miracle of God. The words that are best spoken are those to which we respond, “Lord, have mercy.” “

I am curious how to create the rich symbolism and humility of an orthodox wedding in the western ceremony, without decending to imitation. Although I wonder, now, having written all this, if the emptiness I see in the western ceremony is not a flaw but a strength, something that can only be filled with the love of the couple; perhaps there is a beauty in the simplicity, in contrast to the rich symbolic beauty of the orthodox ceremony.

Update: This series continues here and here.